Submolecular interconnectedness fucking delights me
A message re: crazy people
I don’t mean crazy like crazy homeless people or people who have inexplicable desires to construct miniature villages out of dried toothpaste balls or what have you. I just mean like, your average joe kinda crazy. Maybe you’re asking yourself (I know you’re not—just indulge me), “Wait, ‘average’ crazy? Average means normal and normal people aren’t...
Dear handful of people trying to "reconnect" with...
It’s been a long time, hasn’t it. Real long time. Look, I don’t know how to break this to you.. Maybe I’ll just say it. Sigh. We’re not friends. Nowhere near. Remember the last time we saw each other? It was pretty fucking weird, huh? Like, undeniably one of the weirdest interactions I’ve had with another human being, you know? I know you had to have felt...
drop it like you just realized it's a piece of...
notveryraven: man, i dunno, i just wanna kiss and fuck and walk in the woods forever
Anonymous asked: hi you're attractive bye
Anonymous asked: virgin?
Sometimes I just get so freaking mad at my poop
thisjelly asked: omg morgan remember that vid of you karaoke-ing teenage dream? where is it, i want it. or did i make that up?
clichez4ever: this mass reaction to osama’s death is actually freaking me out guys someone’s best friend just died
butterflynet: Lolololol why did I make this
I really want to walk into a pants store in England and yell: ‘WHERE MY...– Janaye
I almost cried a little because of how much I love...
Relevant: Here is a picture of a pregnancy pact founded by Natalie, Lacey and myself
I struggle with words that I’ve always...
I hope Will doesn’t hate me for this but...
I want to cry because I have a perfect friend Sorry this has a watermark
New GM: I'm gonna grab dinner. Do you want anything?
Me: Really? That makes me feel like a real asshole. "Hey, we just met, buy me a meal."
New GM: Well. You are.
A daily occurrence at my job
Me (exiting the office to greet a waiting guest with a mouthful of food): Hi, sorry about that.
Guest: Oh, I'm sorry to interrupt your dinner.
Me (on the inside): It's okay, it was just a Rice Krispie Treat
When I was younger I was watching the Teen Choice Awards and they had a burping contest and it made me throw up
I’m a joke
I want.. a fuckin makeover– My brother
this sounds familiar
Girl: I graduate in May
Homeless woman: MY BIRTHDAY IN APRIL!
I just found some old journals and here is one of...
FART ON DICK Pink, masked fart gently, lovingly envelops dick, mask flutters gracefully onto dick THE DICK WAS THE FART THE WHOLE TIME
I’d eat baby puke before I’d go out with you– David, the engineer at my job
“The Only One” - The Black Keys This...
Why did God make me attracted to a cartoon deer?– Nicole James
All of my uncles gross me out